Mending Personal Relationships in Recovery

One of the most painful parts of going through recovery for alprazolam addiction is the recognition that you have broken many of your most meaningful relationships and trying to mend those moving forward. Unfortunately, there is no easy way to address this and no guaranteed path or timeline for this type of mending to take place either.

Does It Even Matter if Healing Happens?

Mending Personal Relationships in Recovery

One of the most painful parts of going through recovery is the recognition of broken relationships and trying to mend them

In short, yes it does matter. Recovery cannot move past a certain point if there is not at least an effort made to reconcile with those who have been hurt by your addiction. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has included four dimensions to support a life in recovery including the following:[1]

  • Health – Managing the symptoms of addiction and making healthy choices
  • Home – Stability and safety in a place to live
  • Purpose – Participating in meaningful daily activities, in the form of work, hobbies or volunteerism
  • Community – Maintaining relationships with love, support, hope and friendship

It is not reasonable to establish community that is completely separate from your past as you move into recovery. This will leave too large a gap and too many unanswered questions about your value as a person.

How Can I Approach Someone I Have Hurt?

This is the most difficult question of all to answer about seeking reconciliation with those you have hurt as a result of your addiction to drugs like alprazolam. As mentioned before, there is no guaranteed path or model to follow when you begin to try to mend these relationships. However, there are some thoughts and approaches to consider as you seek to bring healing into these relationships including the following:

  • Be as specific with the ways you have hurt this person as possible – This is not the time to lead with a generic apology. It will make no sense and bring even more pain if you are not specific. Prior to ever opening the conversation up for mending, take a hard look and a serious inventory of the ways you caused pain.
  • Do not try to share the responsibility with them – When seeking reconciliation, there should not be any equivocation about the responsibility. You and your addiction caused the pain. Trying to hide from full responsibility will only produce anger.
  • Temper your expectations – Depending upon the personalities involved, the depth of hurt that was caused, the time that has passed and a variety of other unique circumstances, it can be more difficult for a person to extend forgiveness or allow any healing to take place in the relationship. It would be ideal to not expect that an immediate reconciliation would take place. The pain took time, so will undoing the hurt.
  • If you can, share your story and your progress – Depending upon how the conversation is going, it could be helpful to talk about your recovery process. Often this is best introduced by asking if they would like to hear about your rehab, rather than jumping directly into a lengthy soliloquy about the changes you have gone through.
  • Take the lead in the attempt to mend the relationship, but remember a conversation goes two ways – Many times, a person in recovery will be so goal oriented that he forgets the goal of reconciliation is to actually retain a relationship and that this takes involvement from both people. In other words, be willing to listen to stories and engage in topics that may seem to have nothing to do with reconciliation. Healthy relationships have conversations on any number of topics and seamlessly flow from one to the next without gaps.
  • When you meet in person, make it public – Choosing a coffee shop or a restaurant will do much to calm the nervousness for both parties. This removes the intimacy to a certain degree, but honestly that is the point. Mending broken relationships takes time and happens in stages. You have to allow the process time to marinate and for trust to regrow over time.

Some Relationships May Be Damaged Beyond Repair

Depending upon the specifics of the pain and the nature of your relationship with a particular person, it may be that your relationship in busted beyond repair. At times, this is due to the perception of abuse or even the reality of abuse that occurred as a result of your addiction and the poor choices you made while addicted. Other times, the person you are seeking to mend a relationship with already has closure through counseling or other means. In a sense, they have moved beyond the need to reconcile with you.

This can be painful but is unfortunately part of the cost of addiction to drugs like alprazolam. A huge risk when faced with this scenario is to fall back into addiction. If this is where you are right now, the most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. We can help you. We can answer your questions. The admission coordinators at our toll-free, 24 hour helpline can help you learn more about addiction. They can help you find your way.


[1] http://www.samhsa.gov/recovery, “A Working Definition of Recovery,” accessed November 29, 2015.

[2] http://12step.org/the-12-steps/, “The 12 Steps,” accessed November 29, 2015.